He said:
Currently waiting outside a girl's house picking her up for a date. It's been 15 minutes since I called to tell her I'm outside. Oh she's out of the door coming towards the car.
She's just got into the car and I'm pretending that I'm writing a text and that I wasn't just sitting here doing nothing. Just fake smiled as if I'm reading something funny. She's apologising for being late, I'm pretending I don't care and was doing stuff anyway.... Perfect - I look cool. Thank you. Gtg.
She said:
Do you ever get the feeling you are waiting for something? Not in an obvious way. Not like how everyone says, stop waiting for a job or a man or the number 22 bus and just go and make it happen. I feel I have worked hard enough to obtain the main components that make up my meagre existence and I'm ,overall, pretty satisfied. I mean waiting for an answer. The answer. I feel as though a neon sign in the sky (that kind of looks like a light installation floating on a fluffy white cloud) is making its way toward me - when it finally arrives, it will explain everything. Namely, it will say, hopefully in bright pink, this is what you are supposed to do! Underneath will be an arrow, pointing at whatever it is I am supposed to do. Some might think what torture, sitting around, twiddling your thumbs, hoping for a sign. But think of the alternative..no sign at all. Are we really expected to make our way through life with no sense of direction at all? I know we have the law, and religion (and let's face it.. TV) to guide us. But what if that's just not good enough? What if I need more than that? What I really want is a sense of purpose. Where does one acquire such a thing? Answers on the back of a postcard please...I'll be here, waiting.
1 comment:
At almost 31, I've felt tat I've had a sense of purpose since I was about 14; an early art class where everyone was instructed to draw one of their shoes. I don't have the image any longer - except in memory. Either from the sense of accomplishment, that I'd surprised myself with a strong result, or that art would turn out to be *the* subject for me in a timetable of mediocrity, lacking any enthusiasm, I found a strength.
My personality is such that I grasp for strengths: In matters of career, I was the best for my age. In matters of Love, I walk past the casual, and wait for the truer love and attempt to make it mine, whatever the cost.
I was bullied alot, and was very sensitive as a kid; and for whatever reason not very prepared to defend myself, accepting of criticism: even to the detriment of my psychology: I accepted that others were always right. Painful in social circles, but useful for an art education
As a blog comment, this feels a little like a blog post in itself, but i believe the components that make me, make me the kind that can be comfortable with a 'purpose' that can inspire work to contribute to the human cultural fabric. As such, my work is seen by millions (albeit largely anonymously).
Having a purpose I imagine is alot like having faith in a god - in as much as when you're lost, it's there ready to guide. And I believe from my experience, it affects you as though an aroma of food that inspires hunger, or a smile that inspires attraction..
Having seen others yearn for a purpose, or calling, the purpose you want has to be able to have your loyalty, because you can feel tied down by that purpose..
I think it's got to be one of those Emotional non-decisions, that you just feel compelled to act on.
Post a Comment